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Unstumpable Trump Defeats “Crooked Thanos,” Seizes Control of Infinity Gauntlet, Earth

Aloysius Slim By Aloysius Slim Published on November 9, 2016
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Above: A shocked Trump caught mid-transformation while debating.

BREAKING: In a turn of events that analysts have described as “frankly bewildering,” Donald Trump has taken supreme power. Grasping The Infinity Gauntlet after vanquishing "Crooked Thanos," Trump is said to have gained omniscience and omnipotence immediately. 

The surprise twist ending to this year’s election comes months after mild-mannered businessman Donald Trump was first written off as a weak candidate for ultimate power. After a number of humiliating debates and speeches, many had expected the flagging Trump to simply fade from the public eye, an embarrassed and ultimately broken man. 

Political historian Stan Lee recalls the moment when Trump’s campaign turned around,

Caught in a blast of deadly Sanders radiation, brilliant businessman Donald Trump was cursed to transform in times of stress, excitement, or boredom into the living engine of destruction known as the Unstumpable Trump.

As yet, scientists have yet to explain how Trump survived what should have been a fatal dose of Sanders radiation, but instead of weakening the Donald transformed, becoming more fearsome than ever before. Gone was the meek Donald Trump of yesteryear, replaced instead by the sputtering demagogue we have come to know and fear.

Asked how he would respond to long-standing threat, Galactus, Trump commented,

“I love Galactus, he’s a great guy, huge hat. He did a great job over there on Zenn-La. He’s among the best world-devouring space entities we’ve seen.”

“He has the best surfer,” Trump added. “Really shiny.”

With the power of the infinity stones, Trump can reshape reality to his every whim. Many expect his first act as the new god of this plane will be to cast erstwhile competitor “Crooked Thanos” into the Negative Zone, a sub-space dimension where her vaunted political powers will be nullified.

From there, analysts predict that Trump will retire to his fortress of solitude. Perched atop Trump Tower, he will harness the full power of the infinity gauntlet to engage in a late night tweetstorm, in which he will lash out at his age old nemesis, the superheroine once known as Miss Universe, Alicia Machado.

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Many have questioned how the Infinity Gauntlet that fit so snugly on Crooked Thanos' feminine hand could also fit the Donald, but we may never know.

Aloysius Slim spent his youth apprenticed to a cobbler. One morning, while mending a customer's shoe, he found that the sole had been padded with folded newspaper to keep the rain ... Show More


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